


This Time

by roguefaerie



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 2020, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rage, pandemic rage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefaerie/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: PTSD is nebulous and elusive. Bucky knows that much.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	This Time

**Author's Note:**

> So I rewatched like half of Captain America and I'm having a lot of feelings about it. That's pretty much the deal.  
> 

Bucky had been back with Steve for a long time now--years, even. There was no real reason to expect the suddenness of it all, the nightmare that blended into flashback so hard it even scared Steve. They both found it unexpected, and something about that made Bucky feel even more isolated inside the memory.

There was very little that scared Bucky anymore, because he had been torn apart and rebuilt so many times--without Steve and with Steve as a target only he could find.

Bucky sat shivering in their bedroom. He had closed the door, which he knew Steve didn’t like or want him to do right now, but if he was going to stare at a wall and fight the panic off he was going to do it alone this time.

So he found the spot on the wall that his eyes could barely focus on and then he screamed. And he kept screaming.

Jesus, he hoped Steve would be able to stay calm enough for this.

And he knew if he could still think of Steve then he would get through the panic and the rage without any other emotions under it. 

The part that was only his. The part he always had to fight through sooner or later to get access to his feelings back.

He would do it again and again, if it would keep Steve safe--if it was the safest route.

He was still screaming when Steve’s voice cut through the fog. 

“Bucky, I’m here.”


End file.
